The Premiership of cars
"That's a real footballer's car, that," is a searing put-down for gaudy, expensive motors. Many is the time that a new vehicle is launched and - before it can turn a wheel in anger - knowing commentators have denounced it as another Premiership star's dream wheels.
The thing is, we bet you've got some idea of what the actual 'Top 10' of footballers' cars are. And while it might be tempting to think they all drive Porsche 918s, Pagani Huayras and the most outrageously expensive exotica they can, the reality is that the usual suspects feature strongly on the list. Namely, big, luxury SUVs and a handful of, er, slightly more affordable supercars.
Ahead of the Premiership kicking off this weekend, Oracle Finance - which is a player's preferred method of paying for his ride for tax reasons - has revealed that a top-flight footballer's favourite car is... a Range Rover. Closely followed by the Bentley Continental GT, with the Range Rover Sport taking third place.
Bad news if you own one of these and despise the unwanted image that comes with them, but Oracle's MD Peter Brook said: "We looked back at our records over the last five years to come up with this list and weren't surprised the Range Rover was top.
"What's clear from our list is that SUVs are very popular. Our football clients like their cars to be luxurious with high-up driving positions, which is why they prefer 4x4s to out-and-out supercars. Few cars offer all that like a full-fat Range Rover."
Luckily, though, you can buy all of the cars on this list and keep them looking tasteful, because footballers sure as hell won't. As most will wrap theirs in camouflage colours, get them re-sprayed in mirror finish paint, or have needlessly garish interior-exterior colour combinations and massive aftermarket alloys; Stephen Ireland, we're looking at you on the last score...
The Top 10
1. Range Rover (funded for 28 footballers)
2. Bentley Continental GT (26)
3. Range Rover Sport (24)
4. Audi Q7 (21)
5. BMW X5 (18)
6. Porsche Cayenne (16)
7. Lamborghini Gallardo (13)
8. Ferrari 458 Italia (8)
9. Maserati Gran Turismo (4)
10. Aston Martin DB9 (3)